Women’s Voices, Women’s Lives

Edited by Carol Berkin

and

Ye Heart of a Man

by Lisa Wilson

Book Reviews by Tonia Kirby

March 2009

You might think you know all there is to know about the lives of men in colonial times in the northeast. Just like Lisa Wilson, when preparing for this book report I knew that I wanted to research the Women of Colonial America and Revolutionary times!! We all know already so much about the men! Since I teach Colonial America and the Revolution to second graders I have the opportunity to truly change the way children see the past of our country. I get so frustrated because so much of the lessons and activities I find for children talk about breaking the myths. I think the myths could be a whole separate curriculum. The History of History. Did I just create a job for myself? Hum… Anyway, I started reading about Revolutionary Women and I thought I was on my way. I started reading the book Women’s Voices, Women’s Lives Edited by Carol Berkin and Leslie Horowitz I am not sure why I picked this book. There is not much that I will be able to share with my second graders about sexuality and reproduction in colonial times. Maybe that was the attraction – actually reading a “grown-up” book on the topic. I spend so much of my historical life trying to figure out how I can relate this information to 8 year olds in an appropriate and meaningful way. It’s nice to read something that feeds my educational appetite. This book is a collection of primary documents that give us a glimpse into the lives of women, of course most of the documents were written by men. The book was very effective at giving us perspectives of different women in colonial America: Native American women, Slave women and White Women – who were mostly protestant. Women were in short supply for many of the colonial years and that helped many that were in the lower classes and even indentured servants become a hot commodity. They were able to find husbands and be released from their circumstances. Women were also married off at very young ages to try to help with the family finances. With families sleeping close together as houses were small and expensive to heat it is assumed that children learned of reproduction in an up close and personal way. So young girls were probably not as shocked as women in future generations have been by what happens in a marriage bed. I will mention one primary document in this book that caught my attention and then I will move onto the other book I started and found fascinating before I chose my actual book. Pages 117-118, in the middle of the chapter on women’s work there is a work record of John Rock and his wife 1792-1793. Starting in June there are many earnings that were earned by Mrs. Rock. Not once is her name mentioned except that she is Mrs.! I was also shocked and appalled by the ads that were placed in newspapers where women are bragging about their ability to reproduce and need for a home. There is another ad where the owner of a slave is trying to sell his female slave and lists all of her abilities. I wonder if I could turn that into an appropriate lesson for second graders, read that to my children and hold a “debate” or grand conversation about classified ads. Hmmm…

Then I started reading Good Wives Image and Reality in the Lives of Women in Northern New England 1650-1750 by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich and again I was fascinated and didn’t know which book in which I would focus. I found myself very appalled and stressed as I read this book with the roles and expectations of women during this time period. This book suggests the opposite of the other book, that many women were not married until their early 20’s and that while some married older men most married men in their late 20’s. This book makes statements that woman and Mrs. Were synonymous. Most women were loving mothers, obedient wives and friendly neighbors. Most had religion as the center of their lives. And as I sit here writing this I am watching Survivor, the men are fighting over who is going to start fire and the woman keeps asking them to let her try and they just keep trying. Eventually they let her try and she starts the fire right up! Then one man is bossing one of the girls around telling her what to do while he goes and does what he wants. UGH!!! Then I sat here thinking about my own life and as a woman, even in 2009, I am holding down a job, I manage the house, I take care of the children, I take care of the car. My husband has a job and helps a little around the house when he comes home. So even though we think we have come a long way I think we still have a long way to go.

Then one day during ISAT we were having extended silent reading in my class. I didn’t have either of those books at school so I picked up Ye Heart of a Man by Lisa Wilson. It was on my shelf at school and I wanted to model some silent reading so I started it and I was really surprised at the beginning. It said she was on the same journey I was. She started doing some research on Colonial women and started finding that there was a lot more to men in colonial times than we have heard before. So I am going to write the rest of this report on Ye Heart of a Man by Lisa Wilson. Her Preface starts like this – “Firmly entrenched in women’s history, I have struggled with the subject of gender more broadly conceived. Men’s history, at first, seemed a silly concept-wasn’t most history about men? My change of heart began when I saw Ava Baron present a paper in the mid-1980’s. Some of this material appeared later in her edited volume Work Endangered: Toward a New History of American Labor. Also, mind-opening was a question put to me during an interview for a fellowship. I was then finishing my dissertation on widowed women in early Pennsylvania, An impertinent interrogator dared to ask, “What about and widowers?” After my initial grumbling, I kept returning to that question, “What about widowers?” I knew their story was different; for example, men remarried more quickly after losing a spouse, whereas women, who seemed most financially in need of a partner, shunned remarriage. I began to think of gender as a two-sided coin. Later, as I did more reading, I realized that the historical study of men as a gendered group had barely begun. The scholarship that did exist focused almost exclusively on the nineteenth century.” This paragraph really spoke to me! We think we know all about how men behaved and thought in the 1700’s but in actuality most of what we know is about the founding father men of the 1700’s. So I was intrigued and decided I found the book I wanted to focus on for my report. Lisa Wilson has written a provocative book that challenges the historical thinking most of us have had while growing up. Lisa Wilson is the winner of several awards for historical writing. She is currently an associate professor of history at Connecticut College. This Engaging book really does a nice job investigating prerevolutionary men and their everyday lives. It compares the experiences of men and women in colonial Massachusetts and Connecticut in their private, home and family lives. She touches on each stage of life, from youth to adulthood and old age. While men in colonial times were the ones who held the power, they also loved and respected the women in their lives. A man was defined by the women he pursued and their acceptance of him. Not only was the courting important but following protocol with families and asking permissions was equally important!! In the 1800’s it became important for men to become “Self-Made” and that is when women had to stand up and say – hey, we are not being represented!!!

A lot of the resources that Ms. Wilson used were primary documents, and being an historian in her own right she has access to a variety of sources and resources. She did a lot of reading and researching. Of course that means that she did some interpreting too. I think with all of her experience she was probably fairly accurate with her interpretations.

This book is organized with chapters moving chronologically through the life stages of men, comparing the lives of men in various stages of life during the same time periods. Their roles and expectations are explored. In the life of a youth, he begins looking for a mate. He must be careful because if he tries to pursue a lady who shuns him he will gain a reputation in the community. A man in colonial times, especially the “average” man was not promiscuous, having sex with their servants. They were very conservative and believed in the concept of marriage. After marriage a man’s reputation was very important so even if there were problems in the marriage it was in the woman’s best interest to keep those things to herself. If her husband lost standing or respect in the community it would damage her as well. Also during this time period many husbands were off fighting the war. The woman had the responsibility of managing the home but giving her husband all of the credit. Many soldiers purchased their status and position in the military. Should money become tight they could receive a demotion and again their reputation was tarnished. So not only did the wife have to provide for her and the children, she had to make sure there were funds for the militia. This was also a time of great loneliness for the women and the men. They would anxiously await letters from each other. The next chapter is about the responsibility of men in providing for the family. Cases of women able to get divorces because men were abusing them by not providing properly are cited. One man is able to become relieved of a sizable debt that he has paid half of due to the fact that his wife had a child and he needs to provide for them.

The fifth chapter is about the role of the father in children’s lives. I had a hard time with this chapter due to my own relationship with my father, the recent death of a cousin and his father’s subsequent suicide and issues with my ex-husband. This chapter focuses on the devoted father and how involved he was with the day to day needs of his children. The men journaled and wrote letters of advice as to when to wean children. They took great interest in their children and their relationships through growth and development and throughout life. I have to think there were some fathers who were disinterested in the lives of their children. As I know I had Great Grandparents in that region of the country during that time frame and someone had to influence my father’s lack of interest in his children. My mother moved out when I was 10 and my little brother and sister were 5 and 6. My father was a construction worker and worked long hours for part of the school year and then was home during the cold months. When he was home we knew we were loved and he took good care of us. During the working seasons I was in charge and I wasn’t sure how much he loved us. I was overwhelmed and as I grew up I realized that he must be overwhelmed too. So I chalked it up to that. Then as I got older I had things I wanted to do and watching my little brother and sister was not high on the list and I began to understand that my parents were responsible for them and not me. They started getting into serious trouble and I was angry at my parents for not stepping up and taking responsibility and being good parents. Then as I got older I learned that it was really all about finances for my parents. My mom didn’t fight for custody because my dad told her he wouldn’t pay child support and my dad kept us just so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. Two years ago my second cousin was killed at a party and my cousin – his father – was devastated. My dad made several comments about how he couldn’t understand why Shawn was so upset! Lots of people have had children die and they get over it. Then Shawn committed suicide a year later and my dad was just shocked. He loved Shawn very much and has been sad about his death, but still just absolutely cannot understand. This has been very difficult for me as my children are THE MOST important things in the world to me and I would be devastated if anything happens to them. And at the same time I am dealing with the loss of my children’s father because of decisions he made that did not hold his children’s best interests at heart. Throughout history there has to have been deadbeat dads. As a teacher I know there are dads that are loving and do hold their children in high esteem. So if handled correctly this could serve as a lesson of comparing parenting styles. I just didn’t like it in this chapter that she generalized for all dads. Many men were fearful of childbirth for their wives as many women died during childbirth. Men often remarried quickly as they could not manage the household and their working duties. Women often remained unmarried after their husbands died. It was acceptable for a woman to hire a man or group of men to work the farms and such, whereas it would be difficult for a man to hire a woman to take care of the house and the children. Children were often resentful of the women their fathers brought into their lives, too soon, they thought.

The last chapters of the book are about the last third of the lives of average men in Massachusetts and Connecticut. Most men were farmers and as they aged tasks became harder and harder for them. The good news is that most of their children carried on the necessary tasks of the farm. Older family members still had responsibilities around the household but they were not as strenuous. It was difficult for men to relinquish these responsibilities but they took great pride in watching their families work together. Another situation was impacting the family and specifically the men in the families, men and people in general were living longer. This was a very positive thing to have family members around to pass on values and family history through living relatives. It was just a change in the dynamics. I wish we could return to a colonial type of lifestyles. I would rather live in a larger home and share it with my siblings and their children and have our parents around the house all day. It would allow for more freedoms and more cooperation. More time could be dedicated to helping the community. It would in today’s world require more communication. I always said that if I won the lottery I would buy a large piece of land and build a large house with a common area in the middle and then several wings coming off of the middle. Each wing would be for a nuclear family. So you would have your own private residence with bedrooms for each family member and a living room with a separate outside entrance but there would also be a main entrance with a huge kitchen and dining area in the middle and a living room, family room, game room, play room for all of the children. I digress. I apologize. See I told you I am always thinking of ways that I can make this relevant to second graders. We also do a structure unit for Science. How cool would it be for the children to build a structure based on colonial times and then build a model of their ideal home!!

These books have helped contribute to my Boston experiences in many ways. I will be more adept at identifying the roles of men and women in colonial times and the dynamics that contribute to the choices they made. It will also help with my interpretation of primary documents, letters and records. There were many families mentioned in the story that I will also keep my ears open for so I can make some connections.

I would definitely recommend this book for adults. It provided me with some very valuable insights. Looking back on some of the movies I have seen from that time period, even movies like Little Women and The Patriot make a little more sense now. I would also recommend it as a resource for older students. I would rate it at an 8^th grade reading level. But I teach second grade so my assessment may not be perfect. It could also be used in a classroom as an example of using primary sources to create readable text for others so they can get a basic understanding of life in different time periods.

In conclusion, if you are looking for a great book that goes beyond the myths and stereotypes of men in colonial times in the northeast, and talks about the average man this is a great book for you to read as an adult or to share with middle or high school students. She dug deep into resources and found information that gives us insight into a topic that we thought we were all too aware.